CW

One thing I do know is I would like to travel. I am not so sure I have ever thought much of traveling. Sure there are places I have said I would like to go but I have never thought of myself as a traveler. Although I know I don’t mind traveling.

Given I became a mother at a young age this didn’t allow traveling other than the required trips to stay in touch with family and friends. We did do the Orlando thing (twice – you have to do this more than once to do everything) and once did a family cruise, which was all very enjoyable. I just don’t really count this though. When you travel with children, while still travel you are trying to just get through the day and you don’t always take in what is around you. I want travel for travel’s sake, by myself and with friends. I did this last year when I went to Rome. It was glorious. I met TA there and had 3 of the most wonderful days of my life. I want to experience more of that type of travel .

I mention travel because my friends are debarking on a 4-day whirlwind of Paris. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am that OB and TA are having this experience with CW. If there was someone who deserves a trip to Paris it is CW. CW is a high school friend, like TA, whom I greatly admire for many reasons. First, she is an amazing mom. She has raised her 19 year-old son, on her own, oftentimes having 3 jobs in order to make ends meet. She just recently finished her quest to complete nursing school and did so working full-time and maintaining a high enough GPA to earn a full scholarship for her final year. In addition to her accomplishment, the son she raised single handedly received a full academic scholarship to The Ohio State University. She is now working as a nurse and pursuing her BSN. She’s accomplished so much with very little to go on. She is one of the strongest individuals I have ever met. With all that could have gotten her down she has risen above. She speaks her mind and is not afraid to do so. She is strong, kind, trustworthy, committed, generous, and one of the funniest people I have ever come across. She is beautiful both inside and out.

It is her dream to go to Paris and she is on her way (in business class no less)! She will get to see the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and eat bread – all kinds of bread. She has dreamed of this and just like other desires she thought would not be obtainable she is able to check this off her list as well. There is no stopping this 44 year old. She is on her way to whatever her heart desires. And there is no one more deserving.

I cannot wait to hear the updates of their adventures, and there will be stories to tell – TA and OB will make sure of this. And while reading their updates it will give me the opportunity to day dream of more travel I hope to have one day. Audieu mes amies!

Birth-father Thought

Steve Jobs had a birth-father he knew about and he never reached out to him (read more here) and yet I cannot get mine to contact me . . . should I make the call?

X doesn't mark the spot

Can anyone explain to me why my son cannot pick up after himself? Please? Can someone explain his need to do his own laundry but leave it all in the dryer? Can someone explain why, why I cannot walk into his room for all the clothes that are on the floor? Why my laundry room is becoming an extension of his room with both clean and dirty clothes strung throughout the room? And the bathroom – there are clothes on the floor, on the counter in baskets that never make it to the wash. Why?

Xan has informed me he needs a larger room – that if he had more room there wouldn’t be an issue. He has also informed me he wants clothes for Christmas – he needs clothes like I need another animal in my house. HE HAS MORE TENNIS SHOES THAN I HAVE SHOES.

Can someone intervene? Can someone help? The boy can quote a college football or MLB stat that will amaze you. He is sweet and loving – he’s comical, he does awesome accents and can dance. He keeps his tennis shoes clean by cleaning them with a toothbrush (don’t ask). . . . BUT HE CAN’T PICK UP OR PUT AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING AWAY TO SAVE HIS LIFE!

I’ve tried. I’ve tried the, “You might as well forget ever having a live –in girlfriend or wife because she will leave you due to you being such a slob.” I’ve told him his college roommate and he will constantly be at odds. I’ve told him he is a guest in my house so act like one. I’ve yelled, I’ve begged, I’ve remained calm, I got medicine (for both of us) and I get nothing – nothing helps.

One day I am going to wipe him out so he is left with a uniform for school, 1 lounging outfit, 1 sleep outfit, 1 going out outfit (Xan likes his “outfits”) and that is it. See if he can manage then.

That extra X chromosome . . . . no wonder we say Y!

It Happens . . . Change

Over the past month I have listened to my family and friends deal with a reoccurring theme of change in regards to their children. Changes I haven’t experienced with my own children but these changes are on the horizon.

My family and friends have all anxiously gone through senior year with their child and all that that entails. “Where will they go to school?” There is so much thought that goes into deciding where to go – “is the school one I like? Is it close to home? Far away from home? What is the curriculum? Are their friends attending? How much does it cost? How will this get paid?” And it happens, your baby gets accepted and a decision is made and the planning begins . . .

“How will we afford this, will there be scholarship money, what do we need to get prepared for the year ahead?” And then something else happens – somehow it falls into place. Scholarships and student loans come through and the shopping begins – all the goodies needed for your child's life in a dorm . . . . away from you.

“How will I manage not having him around anymore? What will I do with myself?” It is a question asked even if you are thrilled to see your child leave. It’s a struggle I think. I don’t know anyone one who wasn’t in one way glad to see their child go and in another way anxious for what lies ahead – but mostly for what lies ahead for themselves and dealing with the empty nest.

During this time it seems like the child is anxious for a carefree summer and excitement of leaving home – yes in underlining ways he may show resistance to the impending departure date by not packing or by sleeping his day away but the anticipation of being on his own trumps the anxiety. Afterall – no parents? Sign any teenager up!

But then even more happens and for some it happens sooner than it does for others. The reality of being alone, the reality of not having your family right there, the reality of I miss home sets in. Then there is that first phone call and whether it is said or inferred, you know your child is homesick. But no one planned for this. His attitude prior to leaving was one where you couldn’t wait for him to leave – he couldn’t wait to leave. You’ve been so worried about how you will deal with the quiet you forgot that actually your child goes through empty nest syndrome too. So then what? What does the protective momma bear do when faced with a broken cub?

I dread this. I am starting to dread this more than I am the thought of being alone. It’s been very hard to see those I care for have to stand up to their child even though I know that is what you have to do. Change is difficult for everyone and I do not think any of us move along with change without hitting a bump or many hills. We can’t expect this of our children either.

Problem is, our children usually know it all and to try and convince them that this too shall pass is no easy task. It’s not easy to show empathy, be strong and TEACH your young adult that this is a part of growing up. Growing up means growing apart from your comfort zone. This is not to say the family’s love and support is diminishing, it means you learn coping skills. He has to learn to put himself out there so he gets new friendships and support in return. He has to learn to talk to himself in to a positive outlook instead of negative one. It is frustrating just thinking of how this advice is normally received when trying to explain it to an 18 or 19 year old. But this is Life 101 of freshmen year at college. – worth more credits than any other class. You will adjust, you will adapt, you will enjoy and you will, slowly grow away (gasp) from home.

And so what I am learning is that I do not need to dwell on the initial departure of my son next year. I need to dwell on making sure his initial adjustment goes as smoothly as possible. The empty nest feeling will more than likely come into play once he adjusts and there aren’t the calls home and he isn’t wanting to come home to visit. I’ve been there and both scenarios are going to break my heart.

What I know is I am so grateful to bare witness to my friends’ angst (sorry but I am) so I have something to learn from. You all know who you are (and I’m not kidding there is more than one of you so know you are not alone) and I want you to know I think you are each doing a fabulous job and thank you for sharing with me so I can learn along with you!

And to think we thought the hard times were over . . . . . . poor TA.

Spinning

The first time I ever heard of “spinning” I thought how crazy it was that anyone would want to go to a class and spin around – I’d puke!!

Later, in touring a gym I realized that spinning was something you did on a stationary bike, in the dark to loud music. Again this did not appeal to me because any stationary bikes I had been on I didn’t like.

I then worked with a girl who was a regular spinner and she raved about it. After I asked her many questions, she asked me to go with her. So I agreed to join her and try this phenomenon that is spinning.

While on that bike that evening, I thought I may die or pass out or attempt to try and walk out. I was blown away.

I tried a class a few more times and I realized I didn’t mind it too much. But it wasn’t until last year that I started attending regularly and realized just how much I truly enjoyed it.

But then that stopped.

I started again last night. And I am paying the price for it this morning.

This is what is difficult about spinning – besides spinning itself. Your upper inner thighs by your butt really hurt from the seat on the bike. I know I will get use to this but when starting it hurts. The other thing that hurts is your shoulders. They hurt from bending over and trying to keep your elbows relaxed.

And you thought I was going to say my legs hurt.

Here is what I discovered and what I like. There is a posture to spinning and while it doesn’t work the majority of your upper body you still need to maintain a core hold and therefore your shoulders and back do strengthen and this is good for someone who sits as much as I do. There are hand positions during the ride that help this along.

A spinning bike isn’t like a regular stationary bike. It is specially made for the class. You adjust the handlebars, the seat height and seat position in relation to your arm length. Yes you peddle as you would on a bike but there is a knob where you add and release the tension of the bike thus stimulating an endurance you have to put forth. No resistance represents a flat surface, more resistance represents a hill. During the class you sit and peddle and other times you stand to peddle. You can even do jumps (which are a few rotations of sitting then standing then sitting then standing). Lastly, included in your ride is a quick warm up and a little longer cool down. The ride or class is normally 45 to 50 minutes and with the right instructor and the right music you can go on quite an incredible ride and the time flies by.

You make the ride your own by listening to the instructor knowing when to add and release the tension and it is up to you to do as much as your body can handle. Everyone in the class can work at different levels without affecting one another. Therefore a beginner need not feel intimidated by the spinner that is in full cyclist gear.

It took me a little while to find my grove in the class. But what I eventually found in my ride was the same type of zone that many discuss when they are running. I like the fact the room is dimly lit. I can close my eyes and move my legs and my upper body to the beat of the music and this becomes very hypnotic. I have actually found this to be meditative and have been able to nearly clear my mind and just let go. Other times my eyes are open and I focus on one spot. Something frustrating comes to mind that I need to work out and I am able to find I can do just that by peddling it away. Spinning becomes very cathartic.

The drawback – there isn’t one. Which makes me so frustrated at myself for making it such a chore to get to the class. When I went regularly I worked next door to the gym so for lunch or after work I just walked there – no excuse. Now when I have to plan this into my day and actually drive to the gym – this for whatever reason seems to be a hindrance for me. I do better when I am accountable to someone and unfortunately I don’t have a spinning buddy to hold me accountable.

So what I know is it’s up to me . . . it’s up to me to haul myself to the gym and take the ride. It is always worth it at the end. It makes for a very relaxing evening and a great night sleep – obtaining both a mental cleansing and exhaustion both mind and body crave.

What I don’t know is to how to keep myself motivated to go but I am trying and will continue to try.

Audie Boo

In some people’s lives food is not important. I am amazed at people who go through life without appreciating the pleasure and love derived from food. I wrote yesterday how my son likes to show his love for the women in his life through food gestures – Audrey is no different.

Last night Audrey took me to dinner at the restaurant where she works as a hostess and as a server assistant, Next Door. It is the sister restaurant to Red Drum and is literally located, next door. Audrey has been working there for a little over a month but has yet to enjoy any of the food. She often comes home talking about how wonderful certain menu items look. She anxiously waited for a night she could try this food and she wanted to treat me to the experience with her.

I cringe at the thought of my children spending their money on me. I also cringe at the thought of my children spending money on food as there is usually always something at the house for them to eat. But this was different. This was Audrey wanting to treat me to a special dining experience. It was her wanting to show her independence and to create a memory whether she realized it or not.

I loved how she studied the menu after we were seated. She discussed the items with me and balanced out what are dishes would be so they would flow together and be just enough so there would be room for dessert. After she ordered for us, the chef sent out two cups of soup for us to try. I was thrilled as it was an item on the menu I wanted to taste but we had not chosen. I told Audrey that was a very special gesture to receive a sampling from the chef. I was worried she wouldn’t try the soup. As impressed as I am at her wanting to have this dinner experience with me, her pallet can be somewhat limited. In addition, Audrey has a habit of eating her food without savoring what she is eating. But as I was saying this to her and tasting mine I looked over and not only had she tried the soup, she had a pleasant smile on her face. “This is so good!!!” I asked her what she tasted as I knew she probably didn’t look over that item on the menu as I had. “Lime, I taste lime and a strong spice.” The soup Chef sent to us was Thai Coconut with Kaffir Lime. It was sublime. Just as we were finishing the wonderful soup, Chef came out and spoke to Audrey. It made a mother proud. He graciously introduced himself and told me what a wonderful daughter I had. Audrey thinks the world of him and as I told her upon his departure, he obviously thinks very highly of you.

Our starters arrived next and the one item Audrey could not wait to try was the Raviolo. Raviolo is a large ravioli pasta filled with poached egg, ham, house made ricotta and brown butter. This was served to her and the other item we ordered, Fettucini “Clams Tobias” with White Wine, Cream, Bacon and Herbs. As we halved each and placed the orders on side plates, Audrey was able to try the Raviolo first. “Oh mom this is so good – there is cinnamon dusted over it!” She wouldn’t even look up – as she dove in to another bite she remarked, “this reminds me of Aunt Tracey.”

For our entrée we shared swordfish with artichokes and a syrah fig reduction. It was fabulous. The fish was cooked to perfection and the flavors superb. Audrey limited herself to the entrée as she anxiously anticipated dessert. There was a triple chocolate dessert she couldn’t wait to dive in to. As the dessert menu was brought to us, we were informed the chocolate dish was unavailable (shhh, don’t tell, it all melted). While disappointed this just meant she would move on to choice number two, the cheesecake.

This wasn’t just any cheesecake though – it was goat cheese with a pistachio crust. Can I just say – Oh.My.God! This is by far the best tart I have ever eaten in my life – Audrey didn’t even speak – but sweetly let me share. This is definitely a recipe I am in need of.

The evening was exquisite. My baby girl and I had a wonderful time together. I was able to meet the people she works with and hear all the wonderful things they have to say about her – I couldn’t have been more proud. Audrey treated me to an incredible meal and a fabulous memory. I am so grateful to her for wanting to show her love through the pleasure of food. What an amazing young lady – I am so fortunate she is my daughter.

I love you Audrey Frances Bowman – thank you for being you!

Xan THE Man

My son just may, just may be the sweetest 18 year-old male there is. Now mind you I am about to gush over this boy so be prepared. He was just gone this weekend and while away called me regularly to tell me he loves me and he misses me. He even sent me a text thanking me for always being there for him. Note: he was with his father for the weekend – no telling what took place to warrant that text. Even so, I will take it because regardless I know he means it.

We are in his final year of high school and I can actually say high school has been a breeze. Not that we haven’t had out moments about grades but that’s it – he has not caused me an ounce of worry otherwise. He’s been responsible and for the most part (sometimes he needs reminding) respectful. I have many a friend who is anxious to see their son leave for college. Tense times. I can’t say this.

I am very anxious for Xan (and Audrey too) to go and experience college. It is such an important, vital time in their lives. And I am anxious for what that means for me – I have a whole new world opening up for me. But even as I type this, even with the excitement I have, I get choked up. It will be hard to see him (and her) leave. I am a fortunate mother – my children actually like me and I consider them two of my best friends.

This morning I woke up and came out to start the coffee and there was a box of doughnuts sitting on the counter. Xan was sitting at the computer and I just looked at him and smiled. He got himself up early, went to Dunkin Donuts and had Audrey’s favorites for her and 2 special doughnuts for me. He loves the women in his life and likes to show it – preferably through food gestures. I ask you, is this not so sweet of him?

I can go on and on – how there are always hugs, and kisses. How he is always saying I love you and you are beautiful. And not just to me but to Audrey too. He really may be the sweetest 18 year-old male there is.

Now if only he could pick his towel up off the floor . . . . . . . . .

I love you Alexander Faherty Bowman! Thank you for being such a wonderful son!