My last 2 post were about my children as this post will be as well. Know this about me . . . Do NOT mess with one of my kids - I don't play. There is the lioness in me that will fight to the end to protect - it's primal people, I can't control.
That being said, I was greatly disappointed today by my daughter's track coach. There was an opportunity for Audrey to learn a lesson, go through a difficult situation but still walk away being ok with her decision and how it took place. Instead a confrontation took place and some inappropriate things were said by the coach. Inappropriate enough that I have to get involved . . involved to the point I have to get the AD involved. Now I don't want this woman to suffer, but she needs to learn and she put herself into this situation . . . I just happen to be the one who is going to have to show her a different approach.
There are things about me that I am not proud of - things that I am ashamed of - things I just don't like about me. Because of this it makes no sense for me to reveal anything about myself because I may not live up to your expectations, much less my own. This situation is one that brings something about me to the forefront that can be an issue.
When I say I am protective of my children this is not something that is by any means new . . . but it is not something I have always acted on out of certain fears and that is something I am not proud of. Today's reaction from me regarding what took place was huge because I genuinely like this coach. I have invited her to my home, I have supported her over Audrey in other circumstances - she had my respect. Given she is a teacher - a coach, someone I respect I would not normally rock the boat - I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
When Audrey called me to let me know what had taken place, I asked her to repeat to me not once, but 3 times what took place so I was sure I understood and heard her correctly. I couldn't let this pass. This was not only inappropriate towards my child, this was a behavior that had to be called out so another child did not go through the same situation. In other words I was going to take a stand regardless.
That's right my friends . . . the girl you know to always take a stand - to speak out and be heard isn't always heard like you think she is. The one that you look up to, the one you have faith in often fails . . . and fails miserably. For someone who you know to put herself out there - out on the line, she has failed to do so at times that were critical and crucial and she let you and herself down.
It's been a learning lesson. In learning this, it's been a time to have regret and to suffer for it . . . but more importantly learn AND forgive and to try to not let it happen again. Thus today. Audrey may not understand why I went to the lengths I did and she might be mad, but it's important. It is important for her, for other students . . . but even more importantly - it was a huge step for me.
And that is a weakness I never wanted to admit to anyone - I have not stepped up - I have failed to be heard or let those who couldn't be heard be heard through me. But thanks to a friend of mine, a friend who has put herself out there in every way possible and who has learned to feel good about her, I am going to try and do the same.
So there you have it my friends, what I don't know is how to be completely forthright . . . but I am learning and will continue to do so. For sooooo many reasons, whether it be age or my trying to come to peace with the universe - I will learn to be completely forthright on my failures as well as my successes.
For your support I am thankful! And I am proud of myself for being honest.
And that, my dear friend is the secret of life. Learning, for the sake of learning, and in the process of learning, becoming who you want to be. Very proud of you, but then I always have been.
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