CW

One thing I do know is I would like to travel. I am not so sure I have ever thought much of traveling. Sure there are places I have said I would like to go but I have never thought of myself as a traveler. Although I know I don’t mind traveling.

Given I became a mother at a young age this didn’t allow traveling other than the required trips to stay in touch with family and friends. We did do the Orlando thing (twice – you have to do this more than once to do everything) and once did a family cruise, which was all very enjoyable. I just don’t really count this though. When you travel with children, while still travel you are trying to just get through the day and you don’t always take in what is around you. I want travel for travel’s sake, by myself and with friends. I did this last year when I went to Rome. It was glorious. I met TA there and had 3 of the most wonderful days of my life. I want to experience more of that type of travel .

I mention travel because my friends are debarking on a 4-day whirlwind of Paris. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am that OB and TA are having this experience with CW. If there was someone who deserves a trip to Paris it is CW. CW is a high school friend, like TA, whom I greatly admire for many reasons. First, she is an amazing mom. She has raised her 19 year-old son, on her own, oftentimes having 3 jobs in order to make ends meet. She just recently finished her quest to complete nursing school and did so working full-time and maintaining a high enough GPA to earn a full scholarship for her final year. In addition to her accomplishment, the son she raised single handedly received a full academic scholarship to The Ohio State University. She is now working as a nurse and pursuing her BSN. She’s accomplished so much with very little to go on. She is one of the strongest individuals I have ever met. With all that could have gotten her down she has risen above. She speaks her mind and is not afraid to do so. She is strong, kind, trustworthy, committed, generous, and one of the funniest people I have ever come across. She is beautiful both inside and out.

It is her dream to go to Paris and she is on her way (in business class no less)! She will get to see the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and eat bread – all kinds of bread. She has dreamed of this and just like other desires she thought would not be obtainable she is able to check this off her list as well. There is no stopping this 44 year old. She is on her way to whatever her heart desires. And there is no one more deserving.

I cannot wait to hear the updates of their adventures, and there will be stories to tell – TA and OB will make sure of this. And while reading their updates it will give me the opportunity to day dream of more travel I hope to have one day. Audieu mes amies!

Birth-father Thought

Steve Jobs had a birth-father he knew about and he never reached out to him (read more here) and yet I cannot get mine to contact me . . . should I make the call?

X doesn't mark the spot

Can anyone explain to me why my son cannot pick up after himself? Please? Can someone explain his need to do his own laundry but leave it all in the dryer? Can someone explain why, why I cannot walk into his room for all the clothes that are on the floor? Why my laundry room is becoming an extension of his room with both clean and dirty clothes strung throughout the room? And the bathroom – there are clothes on the floor, on the counter in baskets that never make it to the wash. Why?

Xan has informed me he needs a larger room – that if he had more room there wouldn’t be an issue. He has also informed me he wants clothes for Christmas – he needs clothes like I need another animal in my house. HE HAS MORE TENNIS SHOES THAN I HAVE SHOES.

Can someone intervene? Can someone help? The boy can quote a college football or MLB stat that will amaze you. He is sweet and loving – he’s comical, he does awesome accents and can dance. He keeps his tennis shoes clean by cleaning them with a toothbrush (don’t ask). . . . BUT HE CAN’T PICK UP OR PUT AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING AWAY TO SAVE HIS LIFE!

I’ve tried. I’ve tried the, “You might as well forget ever having a live –in girlfriend or wife because she will leave you due to you being such a slob.” I’ve told him his college roommate and he will constantly be at odds. I’ve told him he is a guest in my house so act like one. I’ve yelled, I’ve begged, I’ve remained calm, I got medicine (for both of us) and I get nothing – nothing helps.

One day I am going to wipe him out so he is left with a uniform for school, 1 lounging outfit, 1 sleep outfit, 1 going out outfit (Xan likes his “outfits”) and that is it. See if he can manage then.

That extra X chromosome . . . . no wonder we say Y!

It Happens . . . Change

Over the past month I have listened to my family and friends deal with a reoccurring theme of change in regards to their children. Changes I haven’t experienced with my own children but these changes are on the horizon.

My family and friends have all anxiously gone through senior year with their child and all that that entails. “Where will they go to school?” There is so much thought that goes into deciding where to go – “is the school one I like? Is it close to home? Far away from home? What is the curriculum? Are their friends attending? How much does it cost? How will this get paid?” And it happens, your baby gets accepted and a decision is made and the planning begins . . .

“How will we afford this, will there be scholarship money, what do we need to get prepared for the year ahead?” And then something else happens – somehow it falls into place. Scholarships and student loans come through and the shopping begins – all the goodies needed for your child's life in a dorm . . . . away from you.

“How will I manage not having him around anymore? What will I do with myself?” It is a question asked even if you are thrilled to see your child leave. It’s a struggle I think. I don’t know anyone one who wasn’t in one way glad to see their child go and in another way anxious for what lies ahead – but mostly for what lies ahead for themselves and dealing with the empty nest.

During this time it seems like the child is anxious for a carefree summer and excitement of leaving home – yes in underlining ways he may show resistance to the impending departure date by not packing or by sleeping his day away but the anticipation of being on his own trumps the anxiety. Afterall – no parents? Sign any teenager up!

But then even more happens and for some it happens sooner than it does for others. The reality of being alone, the reality of not having your family right there, the reality of I miss home sets in. Then there is that first phone call and whether it is said or inferred, you know your child is homesick. But no one planned for this. His attitude prior to leaving was one where you couldn’t wait for him to leave – he couldn’t wait to leave. You’ve been so worried about how you will deal with the quiet you forgot that actually your child goes through empty nest syndrome too. So then what? What does the protective momma bear do when faced with a broken cub?

I dread this. I am starting to dread this more than I am the thought of being alone. It’s been very hard to see those I care for have to stand up to their child even though I know that is what you have to do. Change is difficult for everyone and I do not think any of us move along with change without hitting a bump or many hills. We can’t expect this of our children either.

Problem is, our children usually know it all and to try and convince them that this too shall pass is no easy task. It’s not easy to show empathy, be strong and TEACH your young adult that this is a part of growing up. Growing up means growing apart from your comfort zone. This is not to say the family’s love and support is diminishing, it means you learn coping skills. He has to learn to put himself out there so he gets new friendships and support in return. He has to learn to talk to himself in to a positive outlook instead of negative one. It is frustrating just thinking of how this advice is normally received when trying to explain it to an 18 or 19 year old. But this is Life 101 of freshmen year at college. – worth more credits than any other class. You will adjust, you will adapt, you will enjoy and you will, slowly grow away (gasp) from home.

And so what I am learning is that I do not need to dwell on the initial departure of my son next year. I need to dwell on making sure his initial adjustment goes as smoothly as possible. The empty nest feeling will more than likely come into play once he adjusts and there aren’t the calls home and he isn’t wanting to come home to visit. I’ve been there and both scenarios are going to break my heart.

What I know is I am so grateful to bare witness to my friends’ angst (sorry but I am) so I have something to learn from. You all know who you are (and I’m not kidding there is more than one of you so know you are not alone) and I want you to know I think you are each doing a fabulous job and thank you for sharing with me so I can learn along with you!

And to think we thought the hard times were over . . . . . . poor TA.