Over the past month I have listened to my family and friends deal with a reoccurring theme of change in regards to their children. Changes I haven’t experienced with my own children but these changes are on the horizon.
My family and friends have all anxiously gone through senior year with their child and all that that entails. “Where will they go to school?” There is so much thought that goes into deciding where to go – “is the school one I like? Is it close to home? Far away from home? What is the curriculum? Are their friends attending? How much does it cost? How will this get paid?” And it happens, your baby gets accepted and a decision is made and the planning begins . . .
“How will we afford this, will there be scholarship money, what do we need to get prepared for the year ahead?” And then something else happens – somehow it falls into place. Scholarships and student loans come through and the shopping begins – all the goodies needed for your child's life in a dorm . . . . away from you.
“How will I manage not having him around anymore? What will I do with myself?” It is a question asked even if you are thrilled to see your child leave. It’s a struggle I think. I don’t know anyone one who wasn’t in one way glad to see their child go and in another way anxious for what lies ahead – but mostly for what lies ahead for themselves and dealing with the empty nest.
During this time it seems like the child is anxious for a carefree summer and excitement of leaving home – yes in underlining ways he may show resistance to the impending departure date by not packing or by sleeping his day away but the anticipation of being on his own trumps the anxiety. Afterall – no parents? Sign any teenager up!
But then even more happens and for some it happens sooner than it does for others. The reality of being alone, the reality of not having your family right there, the reality of I miss home sets in. Then there is that first phone call and whether it is said or inferred, you know your child is homesick. But no one planned for this. His attitude prior to leaving was one where you couldn’t wait for him to leave – he couldn’t wait to leave. You’ve been so worried about how you will deal with the quiet you forgot that actually your child goes through empty nest syndrome too. So then what? What does the protective momma bear do when faced with a broken cub?
I dread this. I am starting to dread this more than I am the thought of being alone. It’s been very hard to see those I care for have to stand up to their child even though I know that is what you have to do. Change is difficult for everyone and I do not think any of us move along with change without hitting a bump or many hills. We can’t expect this of our children either.
Problem is, our children usually know it all and to try and convince them that this too shall pass is no easy task. It’s not easy to show empathy, be strong and TEACH your young adult that this is a part of growing up. Growing up means growing apart from your comfort zone. This is not to say the family’s love and support is diminishing, it means you learn coping skills. He has to learn to put himself out there so he gets new friendships and support in return. He has to learn to talk to himself in to a positive outlook instead of negative one. It is frustrating just thinking of how this advice is normally received when trying to explain it to an 18 or 19 year old. But this is Life 101 of freshmen year at college. – worth more credits than any other class. You will adjust, you will adapt, you will enjoy and you will, slowly grow away (gasp) from home.
And so what I am learning is that I do not need to dwell on the initial departure of my son next year. I need to dwell on making sure his initial adjustment goes as smoothly as possible. The empty nest feeling will more than likely come into play once he adjusts and there aren’t the calls home and he isn’t wanting to come home to visit. I’ve been there and both scenarios are going to break my heart.
What I know is I am so grateful to bare witness to my friends’ angst (sorry but I am) so I have something to learn from. You all know who you are (and I’m not kidding there is more than one of you so know you are not alone) and I want you to know I think you are each doing a fabulous job and thank you for sharing with me so I can learn along with you!
And to think we thought the hard times were over . . . . . . poor TA.
No comments:
Post a Comment